Behari Kebabs & Afghani Naans

It’s annoying, infuriating, exasperating and frustrating (and all I’m doing is churning synonyms at this point, but you get the idea). No, I’m not referring to late-night-roadside shaadi proceedings with blaring music and ghoulish lighting. I am also not pointing towards the incessant cries for “change” needed in Pakistan by useless politicians on pointless talk-shows. I’m talking about the behavioral interviews taken by companies for recruitment purposes.

If you’ve ever wondered whether company executives get a kick out of watching hopeful candidates squirm in their seats, trying to respond to interviewers with well-crafted answers to their full-toss questions, you’re not alone. Sameer certainly used to think so.

Initially, he couldn’t understand how the responses to “tell me of a time you were creative” or “explain an instance of conflict management” could possibly differentiate between candidates, especially since most people blurted standardized answers for such queries. After a certain incident, however, it dawned on Sameer, that behavioral interviews are an effective tool in identifying the right people for a job.

In an incredibly mind-numbing seminar on communication skills, one of the distinguished guests, from a prestigious advertising agency, startled the audience by announcing that he would be interviewing candidates on the spot. Once the crowd had jolted awake, he proclaimed that the interview would consist of only one question: “What is diversity?” Several eager hands shot up, mostly of overconfident half-wits who believed they could charm anyone with pure Irish bull. Sameer was one of them.

He responded with an answer that is, in hindsight, extremely uninspiring. Sameer said, “Diversity is eating Bihari Kebab with Afghani Naan while watching the Cricket match between England and Pakistan on a Sony T.V. made in Japan”. The reason this statement is labeled uninspiring is, as the distinguished gentleman pointed out, that 8 out of 10 people would give a similar response.

So how to snatch the limelight away from everyone else and become one of those 2 out of the 10 who would be remembered well after the interrogation had ended? The answer came in the form of the last interview. The girl on stage said Sameer’s line in 4 different languages: English, Urdu, Arabic and Persian. She then explained that being a descendant of the Mughals but having lived half her life in London and half in Karachi, she had tried 8 different forms of rice dishes, interacted with people who supported 11 different cricket teams and could easily point out why a marketing campaign successful in New Delhi would be a disaster in Frankfurt.

In the silence that ensued, Sameer was forced to indulge in some introspection to figure out whether he even understood what diversity really is.