Gora Set Loose in Karachi

For most desis, an encounter with a gora (foreigner, usually of Caucasian descent) is nothing short of an honor. It’s spun into a thrilling dinner-table tale or it is weaved into an accomplishment to be repeated to generations down the line. Interestingly, everyone puts on a show in front of foreigners; somehow, the element of national pride seeps in and collectively, Pakistanis attempt to appear to be the best of people. To achieve this state of apparent-perfection, we would embellish the most minuscule of beauties of Pakistan and brush off even the largest of problems under the rug.

Sameer was therefore not surprised that his family suddenly became the epitome of family-life for Blake. You may be wondering who this god-forsaken fellow is. Here goes Blake’s story: born and raised in Arizona, he was the same age as Sameer. But that’s where the similarities ended. Blake had been raised in a single-parent household; his father had abandoned him and his mother a few years after Blake had been born. Struggling to support the two of them, his mother worked two jobs. Being the only child in the family, Blake had learned independence the way no child in urban Karachi can. After several years of rebellious behavior, Blake had ended up at college with Aamir on full-scholarship. Blake considered himself an artist and we’ll see how this is relevant later.

Aamir, in a wild epiphany, decided to fly Blake to Pakistan during their Summer Break. While Sameer had heard many of Blake’s eccentric tales from Aamir, he was still excited to see how Blake would react to the heat of mid-summer Karachi, digest the spicy food of Burns Road and survive the noisy Shahra-e-Faisal.

Upon landing at Aamir’s residence, Sameer fidgeted, wondering whether to greet Blake with a handshake or a bro-hug. He recalled reading somewhere that Americans did not like intruders of personal space (and he remembered Aamir mentioning that Blake rarely showered) so he decided to stick with the handshake. But he was in for a surprise. Blake greeted him with an overwhelming hug, smelling incredibly of 5 different scents. Sameer figured that Aamir’s mother had probably attacked Blake as soon as he had stepped into the house and ordered him to take a long shower.

Blake’s phase of being Pakistani-ized was the height of hilarity for Aamir and Sameer. Blake was intent on learning Urdu swear words until he was travelling in the bus, abusing the conductor to much amusement of the other passengers. He was also intent on trying the local chars and declared it to be of the finest quality he had ever had. Aamir and Sameer fed Blake with road-side bun-kebabs and pakoray. They made him have malai-boti with parathas and the infamous Student’s Biryani. Blake’s stomach could not tolerate such an attack and he got food poisoning in the very first week.

What was funnier for Sameer and Aamir were the mistakes Blake made, from drinking beer on Aamir’s chath (rooftop) for the entire neighborhood to see to extending his arms for a handshake with Sameer’s sisters. However, the point where even Sameer and Aamir stopped laughing was when Blake declared Sameer’s mother to be one of the most beautiful women he had seen and asked her to be his muse for a portrait. Aamir, taking one look at Sameer’s father, realized that the situation could blow up in an instant and started explaining the rasm-o-rivaaj (customs) of male-female encounters in society to Blake. Blake decided to, instead, paint his version of Karachi.

At the airport, a slightly thinner and a tad more serious Blake handed Sameer the painting he had so diligently worked on for 3 consecutive nights. It was of Pakistanis through Blake’s eyes and it showed a cracked and dusty windowpane that was decorated with light bulbs and streamers. Sameer, being quite dense, did not understand it at all but Blake explained. Blake said that like the windowpane, Pakistanis were celebrating life, despite having had a cracked past and a dusty future and the glitz and glam were hiding the miseries within. Sameer realized in that instant that Blake wasn’t as dense as he pretended since he had seen through every act they had put up in front of him.

Behari Kebabs & Afghani Naans

It’s annoying, infuriating, exasperating and frustrating (and all I’m doing is churning synonyms at this point, but you get the idea). No, I’m not referring to late-night-roadside shaadi proceedings with blaring music and ghoulish lighting. I am also not pointing towards the incessant cries for “change” needed in Pakistan by useless politicians on pointless talk-shows. I’m talking about the behavioral interviews taken by companies for recruitment purposes.

If you’ve ever wondered whether company executives get a kick out of watching hopeful candidates squirm in their seats, trying to respond to interviewers with well-crafted answers to their full-toss questions, you’re not alone. Sameer certainly used to think so.

Initially, he couldn’t understand how the responses to “tell me of a time you were creative” or “explain an instance of conflict management” could possibly differentiate between candidates, especially since most people blurted standardized answers for such queries. After a certain incident, however, it dawned on Sameer, that behavioral interviews are an effective tool in identifying the right people for a job.

In an incredibly mind-numbing seminar on communication skills, one of the distinguished guests, from a prestigious advertising agency, startled the audience by announcing that he would be interviewing candidates on the spot. Once the crowd had jolted awake, he proclaimed that the interview would consist of only one question: “What is diversity?” Several eager hands shot up, mostly of overconfident half-wits who believed they could charm anyone with pure Irish bull. Sameer was one of them.

He responded with an answer that is, in hindsight, extremely uninspiring. Sameer said, “Diversity is eating Bihari Kebab with Afghani Naan while watching the Cricket match between England and Pakistan on a Sony T.V. made in Japan”. The reason this statement is labeled uninspiring is, as the distinguished gentleman pointed out, that 8 out of 10 people would give a similar response.

So how to snatch the limelight away from everyone else and become one of those 2 out of the 10 who would be remembered well after the interrogation had ended? The answer came in the form of the last interview. The girl on stage said Sameer’s line in 4 different languages: English, Urdu, Arabic and Persian. She then explained that being a descendant of the Mughals but having lived half her life in London and half in Karachi, she had tried 8 different forms of rice dishes, interacted with people who supported 11 different cricket teams and could easily point out why a marketing campaign successful in New Delhi would be a disaster in Frankfurt.

In the silence that ensued, Sameer was forced to indulge in some introspection to figure out whether he even understood what diversity really is.

The Boy That Couldn’t – Part II

Danish was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder at the end of the first-year of his BBA. But by then, irreparable damage had been done: Danish had dropped out of college, got kicked out of home and was left with no friends.

At that point, everyone who cared about him wondered how they had been unable to see the signs. Danish had always faced communication issues and therefore, couldn’t maintain any friendship past a few months. Although he had been a bright kid, his grades had started deteriorating over time, the most drastic change occurring in college when he failed to maintain his C.G.P.A. to the minimum required.

Sameer felt like an idiot. Why had he not asked Danish what was bothering him? Why had he not helped Danish in studies? Why had he not confronted Danish when Danish had been sitting on the steps by himself, mumbling and shaking his head, apparently conversing with thin air? Most importantly, why hadn’t Sameer realized something was wrong?

Sitting at the edge of the bed, Sameer started remembering horrifying scenes from the past.

Scene One: Danish’s parents screaming murder at him for dropping out of college.

Scene Two: Danish confessing to Sameer that he had a problem.

Scene Three: Sameer’s sister pointing out that Danish needed to see a psychiatrist for treatment.

Scene Four: Danish’s mum slapping Sameer for suggesting her son was “mental”.

Danish was thrown out of his house for the “shame” he had brought upon the family. Sameer was enraged but helpless. All he could do was convince Danish’s cousin to get Danish the help he needed.

Looking at the pictures, Sameer saw the confusion and fear behind Danish’s smile. He couldn’t imagine what the disease felt like or what Danish had gone through since his diagnosis. Sameer had researched on the illness to discover that it was more common in boys than in girls and usually appeared in pre-teen years. In fact, if caught early, the disease was very easily manageable. However, in Danish’s case, the illness had gone unnoticed for more than a decade and hence, had advanced to such a stage that Danish had troubles maintaining relationships or focus on studies.

While ADHD is not genetic, its cause is yet unknown. There are various symptoms of the disease but they generally fall in three categories: “inattentiveness”, “hyperactivity” and “impulsivity”. Danish confided in Sameer that his thoughts were always a mess with too many ideas running through his mind. He could therefore not pay attention properly and at times, couldn’t even tell the difference between his thoughts and reality. He said that it was like a film constantly playing in front of your eyes such that you are unable to focus on anything else.

ADHD has medicinal and behavioral therapy but the problem in Pakistan stems from the mindset that diseases of the brain make one clinically insane. This makes it difficult for people to recognize and accept such deficiencies and problems; most people try to hide their symptoms for fear of social rejection. What they don’t foresee are the numerous difficulties that lie ahead in terms of maintaining relationships, keeping a job, possible drugs/alcohol abuse, battling depression and troubles with the law.

Sameer realized that he couldn’t blame Danish’s parents for their reaction when he himself had failed to keep in touch with Danish. Picking up his phone, Sameer decided cleansing his room could take second precedence to calling Danish, who hopefully, had decided to take up his dream of teaching History to school children.