TGIF

Thank God It’s Friday.

Sameer is not reminiscing about the American restaurant chain that failed to capture the “casual dining” market in Pakistan. He really is thankful that tomorrow is Friday.

The reason for his gratitude towards the Holy Power for bestowing this day upon mankind is quite trivial. This Friday marks the end of political campaigning in his university, which had pervaded his life since the beginning of Senior year.

Sameer is not implying that there is something inherently wrong with the notion of political campaigning or that the candidates vying for Papacy of the sacred thrones of IBA’s Student Council are somehow ill-suited. He is only expressing his frustration with the way the struggle for power has divided the students and caused them to partake in unmentionable activities; Sameer witnessed speeches aimed towards desecrating the opposition’s religious beliefs, education and upbringing more than glorifying one’s own capabilities, and tactics meant to harm the opposition more than benefit oneself.

The process began harmlessly enough with candidates indulging in legitimate and acceptable means to acquire positions of authority. This involved creating Facebook groups to air views and plans, handing out stickers and flyers and occasionally annoying people with SMSs. However, things took an ugly turn when some ambitious people started campaigning based solely on painting a negative picture of the opposing party. What culminated from this negativity could hardly be positive.

Today, every sentence spoken seems to have double meaning, every smile looks deceiving and every hug is seen as insincere. What worsened the situation for Sameer was the fact that two of his friends were campaigning from opposing panels. Even though he firmly believed in both friends’ competence and credentials, he was constantly asked to choose between them.

Sameer’s way of dealing with the situation lay in finding humor in it. He studied the dynamics of the voters and realized that they can be easily categorized into four groups:

The Friends of the Candidate: these BFFs genuinely believe in their candidate but are the ones to avoid because, suddenly, they’ll be everywhere you go, urging you to vote for their friend because he/she is a deserving gem, falling barely short of sainthood.

The Loyalty Cards: these people are the eternally grateful ones, who were, sometime in the history, “assisted” by the wonderful candidate. They will do anything to be able to pay back the favors the candidate bequeathed on them.

The Players: these are the most interesting lot. They are the ones who promise every candidate that they are supporting him/her and somehow, get away with it. Truly insidious, they are the ones the candidate should fear because amongst them, they hold enough political clout to topple armies. Sameer believes these people will be running the country in a few years.

The Idealistic: these are the innocent bystanders who get trampled by all sides in their quest to discover the ideal candidate. They firmly believe in logic but are steamrolled by disingenuous promises. Sadly, with exposure to politics over time, they usually turn into one of the aforementioned three groups.

Sameer wonders what the results of the elections will bring with them. For now, he only prays that the remaining few hours until D-Day do not prove Ronald Reagan right when he said, “Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first”.